Com●fort●a●ble: Providing physical ease and relaxation

What does ‘comfortable’ mean to you?

To me, it means a feeling of being relaxed, calm, and unrestricted. Things that make me feel uncomfortable?  Anxiety, depression, fear, insomnia, small talk, wedgies, my socks falling down as I walk, skin so dry that it itches like crazy, and having my top knot resting too tightly on my head.

Some of those things are easy fixes.  Wear a braid instead of a top knot, lather my skin in body butter (preferably The Righteous Butter Body Butter from Soap & Glory…aka “heaven”), get new socks.

Some of the other things, they aren’t so easy to fix.  Like how do I find a pair of underwear that doesn’t slide into the ‘no-fly zone’ all the time, but not bother me in other areas?  The verdict is still out on that one.  And how do I get people to stop trying to have ‘small talk’ with me?  Just because I’m in your proximity doesn’t mean we have to have a meaningless conversation about how my day is going.  In fact, my introverted-ness says we don’t really even need to talk at all.  But if we must, let’s talk about something real!  Let’s talk about something other than, “what’s up.”  But the really hard ones, I battle almost every day and they have plagued me my entire life.

Anxiety.  Do you know what is uncomfortable?  Having an anxiety attack in the middle of the night that wakes you up when you’ve already been battling insomnia for the last week.  Or having a panic attack so bad that you think you are having a heart attack at 30 years old and end up with nothing more than an unpleasant interaction with a disgruntled nurse and a $1,000 bill from the Emergency Department.

Depression.  Not being able to even find the energy or motivation to get out of bed to wash your face, brush your teeth, or comb your hair but still be required to go to work every day.  Trying to deal with teenagers on a daily basis who think the world revolves around them and can’t understand that there are times you need a moment to yourself.  Some days you just want to lock yourself in a closet or in a bathroom stall to have a moment, to just breathe.

Fear.  The uncontrollable feeling of being terrified of letting another person know exactly how your emotions are boiling beneath the surface.  Dealing with the anxiety that creeps in when you are just trying to live day to day in a world that can seem unjust and hostile.  That feeling you get when you decide that maybe the best thing to do is to put it all out there in a blog for who knows who to read and judge you (for better or for worse).  The fear of being uncomfortable.

So how am I dealing with the angst of creating a blog about how I’m working on living the most comfortable life I can?  By taking deep breaths.  By using re-focusing techniques.  By understanding that I’m not alone.  By believing that this may be some help to others or just the help I need.

Often we live in an uncomfortable world because we don’t feel that we deserve something better.  We stay in our comfortable job that pays an uncomfortably low amount because we don’t think we deserve a job that provides us with a comfortable income.  Or like me, you might be afraid of putting yourself out there because you know that with an increase in financial comfort, also comes an increase in uncomfortable ‘adulting’ responsibilities (i.e. hello tax season).

Or we stay in an uncomfortable way of life because we are scared that being comfortable with ourselves will make others feel uneasy and irritated.  But what is the price of spending a life surrounded by discomfort just to satisfy others?

I lack any certifications that make what I’m saying scientifically reliable, but I have lived for more than 30 years on this great Earth and I have learned this: most people who are uncomfortable by other people’s success and happiness are only that way because they are missing it in their own lives.  They are unhappy.  They are ‘unsuccessful.’  They are jealous. (Unsuccessful is put in apostrophes because in my opinion, being successful is defined by the individual.)

So here are some things that I have started with in order to create my own comfortable world.

1. Define comfort for you. For each person it is different.  My shortened list of discomforts is proudly displayed above.  What does your list look like?  Would you be more comfortable if you could manage your money better?  Would you be more comfortable if you could deal with your mental health issues in a more productive manner?  Would you be more comfortable if you just put on another layer of clothes during the winter?  What makes you comfortable?  If you aren’t sure, do what I did and think of the things that make you feel uncomfortable.  Now think of how you would fix them if you had no restraints.  Start there.  Understand that the things that make you uncomfortable now might change in the next week, the next month, the next year, the next decade. And accept that.
2. Embrace comfort. Are you comfortable rocking a pair of 6-inch stilettos? Do it! Do you feel the best when you are leading others to success? Own it! Do not allow yourself to settle for anything less than what you think you deserve.  And if you feel that you don’t deserve comfort now, then pick one thing and embrace that one thing.  Then when you have the confidence to add something else to your list of ‘comforts,’ pick one up. Don’t stop until your world is the most comfortable that it can be.
3. Surround yourself with people who support your comforts. This is the hardest of them all.  Having support is such a big part of our successes.  Without it, we can feel like a failure.  But remember sometimes people are only around us for a season.  Are you still friends with everyone you were friends with in fourth grade? No. Maybe one, maybe a couple, but I guarantee that you do not interact with everyone you declared as your friend when you were roughly 10 years old.  If you are saying “yes, I am still friends with all my friends from fourth grade” and you are finding yourself being the one rooting for others to fail and be miserable in life, maybe it’s time for a change.  They say you are a collection of the five people you interact with the most. Make sure those five people are there to support you instead of tear you down.
4. And lastly, Understand that being uncomfortable now may help make you comfortable later. Look at me.  Look at me right now. I’m writing a 1000-plus word blog post exposing things that make me feel uncomfortable to anyone who will listen.  And guess what. I AM UNCOMFORTABLE. But I am hopeful that by doing this, by starting this blog, I will one day find the comfort that I’m searching for.  All because I took a moment to allow myself to feel a fleeting moment of discomfort.

All so maybe one day I will be living a life that is comfortably beautiful.