Raise your hand if you are the person who always responds with, “I don’t care, where do you want to go?” when you are asked about where you should go to eat.
That’s right, my hand is raised.
I have a reputation for being indecisive. I like to blame it on my Enneagram personality. (If you don’t know yours, feel free to find out here: Your Enneagram Coach) I am a 6. I’m still unsure about what my wings are, but I know for sure that I am a 6. And if there is one thing that a 6 is known for, it is for their indecisive nature.
The idea of making choices leads to anxiety and uncertainty. For most people who fall into the Enneagram personality of a 6, it is that we want to make sure that the choices we make are going to be the best. We want to be sure that the choices we make are not going to harm us, or the ones we love. For a 6, making a choice is a big deal.
So why am I telling you this?
Every year on Epiphany Sunday, my church gives out stars. It is known as “Star Sunday” as each member randomly draws a star out of a basket. When they turn over their star, they find a word that is supposed to help guide them for the new year.
As I dug through the basket, eyeballing that single pink star, I was excited to get my new word. I would take it home and hang it on my fridge to remind me of how I should focus on the year ahead. After retrieving my star, I turned it over and saw one word that brings me anxiety every day.
Choice.
To think about it, it is quite comical that the word ‘choice’ is the one that I chose. Me. The one who is so indecisive. But I know that I need to trust myself a little more.
I have made some impactful decisions in my short time on Earth. I chose to enter into the medical field as a career path. I decided to move ten hours from home and from anyone I knew to a small town in Mississippi to continue my education. (A decision that has left me with lifelong friendships.) I chose to pack up my life in the Midwest to pursue a job opportunity in South Carolina, once again relocating to a foreign place for me. And that choice led to me meeting the man who I ended up marrying.
So instead of looking at this as a defeat, since I am so bad at deciding what to eat for dinner, I’m choosing to trust myself and look at it as a challenge. (Look at me already making choices!)
The Year of Choices
Already in 2019, I am already aware of some of the choices that I will face. Finding a new place to live and making the decision about when my husband and I should start trying to expand our family, are just a couple of the choices that this year will bring.
The 2018 version of myself has been plagued with anxiety about these decisions.
Where Should we Live?
Should my husband and I begin looking to buy a house or should we keep renting? Should we find a place close to our jobs, or is it okay to venture away? What grocery store will we use? What Post Office will we use? Will I be able to keep my library membership at our new place?
When Should we Explore Expanding our Family?
Do we have the financial ability to start a family now? What are we going to do if I can’t get pregnant? Am I going to be able to handle the childbirth part? What school district is the best?
The 2019 version of me is going to take a breath and make these decisions the best I can and trust myself in the process.
How My Choices Will Be Made
- Do My Research: Ever since I can remember, I have been an analyzer. I look for all of the facts that I can, and I try to decipher which ones are true. So that’s what I am going to do for my choices this year. I’m going to put my researching skills to work, so I feel comfortable with my ultimate decisions.
- Use Pro and Con Lists: I love to look at the good and the bad of a situation or a choice. If I choose this what is the good things that will happen? And what bad things might happen? Writing the lists out and being able to visualize if the good outweighs the bad has always been a helpful decision-making method for me to feel confident. So this year, I’m going to do more of that.
- Trust My Gut: In my first blog post about my anxiety, (you can read that: here) I quoted Mrs. Cara Allwill Leyba and her insight on trusting your gut. This year, I need to remember that I have an excellent sense of intuition and I have used that intuition to make some of the most impactfu choices in my life so far. I am making a promise to myself to remind myself that no matter how much research I do and no matter how my pro and con lists look, my gut is never going to steer me wrong.
